Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Go Girls! - How to Start a Mother Daughter Book Club

by Laura Sullivan
Hello friends,
Welcome to the first chapter of our Go Girls! Book Club Blog.  I have been in many adult book clubs over the years, and I've found book clubs to be a special place; where we can share ideas and opinions- both good and bad. It is an intellectual release for those of us who no longer attend school, but still like to flex our brains with stimulating, spirited conversation. And sharing a little wine with friends now and again too isn't so bad, either.
When my daughter was in 3rd grade, I had a friend whose daughter was in 5th grade and they both were in a mother daughter book club together. I confess- I was a little awestruck by the coolness of this mom of an older child. So wise, and knowing… Her kid was 11, practically a teenager. She was on a path to a life so glamorous, yet fraught with the many difficulties of becoming a teenager. A book club was a perfect place to hash out these problems. Lucky them. But why not lucky me? I could do this too and be that cool knowing mom someday.
So I did. I had a bit of an ulterior motive: I was a little scared about being the mother of a girl who would someday be a teenager. The fighting, crying, bullying, the clothes- and that's just me; what if she did those things, too? Lord help us all. . No, I jest. I wanted to create a group and an environment where we would be united; mothers aligned in our ideas, choices, and our morality. If we could create a group where any one of our girls would feel safe and confident in her choices, and that her friends' mothers felt the same as her mom did, that could be nothing but good. I also wanted to get ahead of what was going to inevitably happen in their lives, socially, emotionally, and physiologically. I wanted to have a venue to talk about all kinds of things. (And boy we have- more on that at a later date.)
We began with a mothers' meeting at my house. I asked nine friends, who had daughters my daughter's age, and most of whom were her friends, too. I figured twenty people was the max that could fit in a regular sized living room with girls squished into one big easy chair, or on the floor. A largish group lends itself for dynamic conversation, too. All nine accepted the invitation, and came to plan. (Listen to this part, because I think it's been critical to our success.) We came up with a list of parameters of how the book club would work, when we would meet, and where we would meet. Over the last four years this list of rules has not deviated- it was a really good plan for us, and it continues to work. If something begins to go off track, the secretary sends out two e-mails a month; one right after our meeting to reiterate what we are reading for the month, and give the meeting place and time. The second comes about a week before book club, as a reminder.
Our Rules
1.  The Calendar
We plan this out at the beginning of the school year, taking into account the already published school calendar. Days may shuffle very slightly, but these girls are committed- they come after a sports practice, or get heir homework and studying beforehand. We meet on Wednesdays, about every 5 weeks.
2. The Time
6:45-9:00
6:45: arrive
7:30: sit down to discuss
8:30: dessert
9:00: out the door with a very polite thank you to the hostesses. (It's not a bridge game, but we try to stick to this.)
3. The Location
We have a list, and if you are up next, it's your turn. If there is vomiting or remodeling at your house, you may switch. No one likes vomit.
4. Ahh…the Food
A note here, because when we had our parent meting someone suggested that we go alcohol free because we are with the girls. One, very wise mother (she must have had an older child- she was one of the cool) suggested that there was nothing wrong with drinking liquor, and, in fact, we are being very responsible adults showing what it is to be moderate drinkers, and to drink responsibly. The audible sigh of agreement and sense is still resonating over the terra firma. We have wine. And beer.
So the list of responsibilities:
Hostess provides: cleanish house (or candles lit and low lights-I'm telling you- it works) and a kid drink
The others sign up to bring one of:
Appetizer 1
Appetizer 2
Fruit
White Wine
Red Wine
Beer
Fruit
Dessert 1
Dessert 2
This is plenty to get by without having dinner before we leave the house. If we know the girls are mostly coming from somewhere else, we'll make the appetizers hearty; potato skins, mini meatball subs, or calzone.
5. The Discussion
Everyone reads the book and contributes to the discussion. To get some of our less conversational girls talking, we have everyone bring a discussion question about the book we've read. A few of the adults gently guide the discussion, but the best discussions are when we hear from everyone. The girls get to learn about their moms in new ways when hear their mom's thoughts and hear anecdotes from their childhoods. Things come up when we're reading these kid books, and they are inevitably about a kid, so the mom's tend to reminisce about and share their own lives. (A useful note- I have used bribery when reading has waned, especially if I hear girls aren’t getting the books finished. I have had a raffle for those to enter who have finished the book. It's been a small token - a DVD, nail polish and ice cream gift certificates to name a few. It's really worked. I've even had a mom's raffle, too.)
6. Choosing the next book
The hostess girl chooses three books, which have been vetted by the mom, and are known to be widely available through our library. The hostess girl presents the books after the discussion, and a blind vote is conducted by the girls to choose the next book. (A note of experience, since I am now one of the wise and cool- if the book is only very little available in your library system, it is usually because it is a crappy, or possibly out of print book.)
These are our, agreed upon rules. Choose your own, but consider them as by laws, and stick with them. Amend the by-laws if something isn't working, but follow them. With clear parameters, a book, and nice people, you will have a good group that will become as meaningful as ours has been for us.
7. The Secretary, Boss, Grand Wizardess…
Someone needs to send out the reminder e-mails, and keep track of books read, the calendar. Pick someone who has an organized closet. If their closet is organized, they are the right person for the job.

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